I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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