Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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