well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
