god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
