he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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