I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
