Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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