kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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