do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
