He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
