The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
