this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
