If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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