When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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