You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
from now on my penis is your penis
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
