if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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