and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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