My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
