i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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