I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
