My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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