Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And then my night got REAL pukey
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
