I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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