Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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