I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
