how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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