Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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