just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
