Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
