Kiss
Puke
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
