Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
