This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
