Someone shit on the floor
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
