That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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