Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
