I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
