your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
