her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Randomize
