I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
