i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
