Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
