The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
