i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
