i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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