babies were throwing up all over the place
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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