when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
