All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
