i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
