You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
