I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just gift wrapped bread.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
