theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
