This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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