i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I lost the right to judge tonight
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
