Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
